Countless tears

Here I sit, reclining in bed with my laptop screen dimmed (so as not to disturb the other sleeping beauties in the room a.k.a. my kids), with a very full and very broken heart. How is it that they can co-exist? My head throbs still from the hours of tears being pushed back. My nose is hot and red because the tears finally flowed and with them... my nose... The lump still sits in my throat though not as large as this morning and my stomach still feels like it's sinking. All of this, and I know that it pales in comparison to the aching my dear friend feels as she went home today after the memorial in honor of her little girl.
For whatever reason, God seems to be sending more of these little angels these days and especially to families who TREASURE life. Treasure it enough to let their little precious babies live every day that is ordained for them with love and dignity. I can't help but think there is a reason. In a culture that avoids pain and tries to make everything convenient, easy, beautiful, painless...God has allowed these little babies to teach us. To teach us that walking a road that promises to be hard and painful and not pretty and might end in death... IS WORTH IT... if it means we give our children the chance to live. We would do it over and over and over just to give our babies a moment, an hour, a day, or in Ava's case... 35 days. Thank you Lord. Thank you for our little angels... Phoenix and Ava. We miss you.
I have decided, instead of sitting here and wallowing in my sadness... to do something. In an attempt to honor such innocent and amazing little people, I want to commit to read the Bible through in a year. My husband says there is nothing more life changing. I have many a friend who have done it. I have tried before. This time, I am doing it for someone. For Phoenix and for Ava. I must take this frustrated energy and put it somewhere. I am signing up for the oneyearbibleblog and then I can get commentary etc. If you'd like to join me... you can go HERE and sign up.